So, right - you're, like, totally yawno about getting ghosted? And you feel like you're getting nowhere on the apps? So is it you going wrong (heaven (or other non-denominational version of nirvana) forbid) or is everyone else around you, like, totally triggering your sensitivities? It's really not on? If you're tired of the whole, like, dating scene, then maybe you're just looking for, like, the totally wrong thing? It's understandable, hun - we've all, like, totally been there? So, before we, like, totally give in to a life of bachorisation or spinsterism, we're gonna give this one last go, right? You are beautiful and strong and you deserve the best. Right? Look at me. Yah? OK. Are you ready? I'm going to hold your hand every step of the goddam, mother-effing way? OK? Super. Let's go, then - we're gonna find you someone so mother-effing amazing that you're going to be, like - God, that was, like, totally brilliant? It's going to be, like, super-fun, hun. We'll help you see where you've been going wrong, because, like, I totally wish I'd had someone to do that for me in as unpatronising a way as I'm doing for you right now? OK, let's do this?